Boy oh boy… I sure do. Each year students seemed to sink, lower and lower into their seats, humiliated that their bodies would become smelly, pimpled, reproductive machines that had the potential of bringing on the apocalypse of disease. Students were horrified by the time-bomb that they would become in their teen/adult years. Sex was never taught to be pleasurable, it was taught to be the cause of disease, drugs, death or mutated babies that would surely ruin our lives because then we’d have to get married, and it was good-bye college. It was Fear = Responsibility. We were subjected to this weird drone-like mind/body abstinence, because we don’t want to turn into disease bags and die, right!? Except that every single person on the planet needs to have sex, (including the individual standing at the front of the classroom showing us how the plastic baby comes out of the plastic vagina and how to put the condom on the banana–Hey! I eat those or god’s sake! What the hell are you trying to do to me, Teach?) but only for the sole purpose of procreation. Academic science says so. There is only one way to have proper sex. And for the love of god, “Never, ever let someone put their penis or anything else into your anus.” WHAT?!? Hold the phone. People do that?!?! Why?!?!
So, the knowledge that my body was evil and that sex; ‘The Bringer’ of disease, drug addiction, death and monster-babies was imminent in my life-unless I got married first-absolutely terrified me. I kinda wanted to get me some of that sex, but my programming told me not to. I was so confused. Why the hell did so many people still do it? My class room sex-ed experience was basically a repetitive scare tactic. During the 80’s and 90’s when AIDS was the new plague, I remember one teacher actually making the point of rolling the television in to show us “news reports” regarding AIDS; the staggering percentages of predicted contraction-worldwide. I was sick-to-my-stomach terrified. What about these feelings, these desires I had? Well, obviously I had to slam my knobby knees together and put a tight lid on that madness.
Of course, I can’t be too harsh. I understand there was a lot still to be learned about sexually transmitted diseases, but they’d been around since… forever! Come on! How many poets, painters and authors throughout history had slept around and contracted syphilis? We knew about the consequences of unsafe sex from our history books.
Fantasy and pleasure were never, ever part of ‘The Talk’. At home or at school. At least for me. Orgasms? Trust? Communication? Those were not topic points. Everything was taught in a perverse, ‘sex is bad’, ‘your body is evil’ sort of way. And my questions? Well write that question down on the index card provided students and then we will read them aloud and discuss them with the rest of the class!
No one talked about masturbation either. How sex was normal. How we as human beings
are sexual. No one gave us permission to have sex, let alone find any joy from it. Ever. But here’s a free handful of condoms! How many adults in this world have stumbled through intimacy trying to be comfortable with it? Some students were having sex anyway, of course, but they were the bad seeds, the evil ones. Society’s lowlife’s! “Get thee to a nunnery!”
We weren’t taught anything beautiful or pleasant about sex. Were made afraid of it. Terrified. I am not advocating that high-school students should all start having sex. I AM advocating the removal fear from sex. I am advocating TRUTH. When I see books like “The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy” I smile, because it means that there are people out there working toward this very goal. There is positive growth and awareness in the sex positive community, and it is spreading… in leaps and bounds. Now that’s a ‘viral’ movement I can be proud of! There are so many resources out there for us today! Welcome to the age where we can finally begin to ask our questions! Get answers to questions we didn’t even know we had! Gain real knowledge. Support. Where, less and less, we are not humiliated for being human.
Fans of The Kiss Me Quick’s erotica podcast know how much I dig fantasy. I couldn’t be more happy to recommend this book. You know, The Kama Sutra was fun and the drawings in The Joy of Sex were informative, but this book takes sex to a whole new permissible level. Books like this are changing the way the world views sexuality. FINALLY we are given permission and allowed to explore our sexual selves through fantasy in a way that makes us comfortable enough to include our partners and open up the lines of communication. And that is why I love this book. Publishing houses that offer books like The Ultimate Guide series’, without hiding them behind the black curtain have my support. Publishing houses that hold their heads up high when it comes to finding intelligent editors and authors who promote sexual education for EVERYONE, are worth their weight in gold. Cleis Press‘ “Ultimate Guide” books are wonderful and I cannot recommend them enough.
To celebrate the release of the fabulous guide, I would love to give a couple away. You know me, I love to share the love and passion of fantasy, so if you are interested in winning a copy of Violet Blue’s “The Ultimate Guide To Sexual Fantasy”, click here.